If you are a possessive and controlling partner, you may be at risk of ruining a promising relationship. Your once smooth relationship will eventually turn into a shaky one that is based on control, fear, and jealousy. However, there is still hope to improve your bond with your spouse or partner, and save your rocky relationship from disintegration.

In order to control the partner, there is a need to learn how to get back with your ex with following simple methods. The building of the strong relationship is possible for the people. Along with it, an improvement in the bond is also possible with proper control over the ex.

The key lies in understanding why you behave the way you do towards your partner. This may be due to various reasons such as lack of self esteem and insecurity, loneliness, having suffered from infidelity, and experiencing parental abandonment.

Knowing the root causes of your restrictive ways that adversely affects your partner’s life will help you address your behavioral problems, and improve your decisions and actions in your relationship.

Why You Feel the Need to Be Possessive and Controlling

Possessive people are insecure in their relationship. They feel the need to control because they doubt the love and loyalty of the person they are in a relationship with. As a result, the party being controlled will struggle to be free. However, this will only make the possessive person more insecure and desperate to remain in control.

Typically, overbearing and possessive individuals are strong-willed and expect other people to conform to their standards and wishes. They are usually argumentative, talkative, and opinionated. However, they get offended easily, wallow in self-pity and are not generally sold to the idea of giving unconditionally.

Forcing Your Partner to Change

When you decided to have a relationship with your partner, you already have an idea on his/her traits including their shortcomings and faults, and you probably accepted them. People do not easily change and adapt new habits. Trying to make your partner change to correct what you perceive to be her flaws just to satisfy and make you happy will only result in your disappointment as your expectations will probably not be met.

Your partner, out of love for you, may be willing to improve and work hard to make the relationship work, but you also need to put in your share. A relationship requires compromise and both parties must resolve to work and grow together in the relationship.

Lack of Respect and Trust

These two go hand in hand. Without respect, you cannot truly learn to be trusting. Restricting your partner’s life to satisfy your needs is a sign of disrespect both to your partner and yourself. The relationship is thus doomed to fail.

You may not treat your partner as an equal because of some perceived deficiencies. However, it is possible that these are your own deficiencies and you are turning the tables on your partner because you do not want to take responsibility for them. This shows your lack of self-respect because of your unwillingness to improve on your deficiencies.

There are instances when the mistrust may be valid and stems from mistakes in the relationship that your partner actually committed in the past such as lying, cheating, or unfairly treating you. In this case, you should leave your partner and find someone else who will treat you well. Most people who lack self respect choose to stay and hope that their partner would change because they do not have the conviction to leave.

Changing Your Possessive and Controlling Ways

Your possessive and controlling behavior developed over time and you manifested it repeatedly in different situations. It is not easy to change, especially if there are valid reasons that compel you to act the way you do. However, there are ways on how you can stop the behavior and save your marriage.

• Take responsibility for your actions

The first step to changing your behavior is to recognize and accept that you have a problem. Overbearing partners never admit to their faults and usually sulk when what they want is not done. If you really want to change, take responsibility for your actions and do not blame your partner for your behavior. You can only start to let go of control when you understand that what you have been doing to your partner is unhealthy for your relationship and therefore unacceptable.

• Set priorities in your relationship

You may be a perfectionist and want everything in your relationship in order; however, you should focus more on making a strong connection with your partner your top priority. Your house may be in quite a mess and your unpaid bills may be piling up, and these may really need attention. However, these are not as important as your partner whom you may be driving away because of your overbearing ways. Make the relationship more fulfilling, comfortable, and enjoyable for both you and your spouse, before satisfying your need to organize everything in your environment.

• Be flexible

One way to address your controlling ways is to adopt more liberal and flexible standards not only for your relationship, but more importantly for your life. You have long nurtured an idea in your mind that there is a specific way for doing everything in your life. This makes it difficult to change. However, if you want to save your relationship, you must let go of your notions for when and how to do things. Stop moralizing and justifying these ideas in your head. For instance, if you always need to have the table and dishes done right after dinner, do something different for a change. Instead, try to sit and relax while having coffee with your wife one time. Use the time to connect and bond with your partner. Clearing the table and washing the dishes can wait. What is more important is to enjoy the moment with your loved one. For another way to be flexible, please read our full article on “how to handle difference of opinions”

• Admit to your faults and make yourself accountable for them

Have a sincere talk with your spouse. Tell him/her that you are on your way to improving your life and to remind you whenever you tend to go back to your controlling ways. It is therefore important to have someone with a clear perspective on the specific areas you need to improve on to check on your progress. Chances are, you are not aware that you are being overbearing during the times when you were controlling things. When your partner reminds you at the first sign of going back to being controlling, do not get mad. Just pause for a moment to analyze what went wrong and find ways to avoid doing the same in the future.

If you have been controlling your partner for the longest time and you are still together, you are lucky. Your luck may soon change, however, if you do not stop your controlling behavior as soon as possible, and start working on improving your relationship.